Pain Of Confinement
by The SkyWolves
Summary: When Ryou is institutionalized, he realizes that his friends understand him better than he thought. Multi-chaptered. (Now in READABLE paragraphing format!)
1. Welcomed Color

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! And I do not expect anyone to think I do. Oughtn't it be obvious that no one at this site does?  
  
WARNINGS: This is an AU fic which includes such topics as insanity, self-harm, abuse, polytheism (belief in multiple Gods), Anzu-complimenting, and yaoi.   
  
SUMMARY: When Ryou is institutionalized, he realizes that his friends understand him better than he thought. Multi-chaptered.  
  
Pain of Confinement  
  
Chapter One~ Welcomed Color  
  
*Ryou Viewpoint*  
  
It's cold. Bleak, sterile, empty. And it doesn't help the fact that they leave the air conditioning on constantly, or the fact that they make us wear these damned thin pajamas. My room is small, cramped, with a barred window that I couldn't even get my shoulders through. And there's white. All white. Heh, I have perfect camouflage! I give a sneaky little chuckle as I think of how easy it is to miss an albino, in white pajamas, in a white room. It's happened before, and they panicked when they couldn't find me. Heh, baka.  
  
I press my hand to the cool glass, peering down at a crisp, grassy lawn. Bright, vivid green, and I smile at a young patient, only about ten, who waves up at me. I think of how lucky he is, to be allowed to go outdoors. Fresh air instead of filtered, the sweet smell of the trees instead of harsh sanitizers. I swear to the Gods that when I get out, I'm going to go live on a livestock farm. At least then, the smells would be natural.  
  
The sun is shining brilliantly, making a little fountain sparkle. How great would it be, if I could just get out. But no, I'm not "safe." They fear that I will be harmed if I get near the water, or the trees, or the rosebush. No, that's not true. They fear I will harm myself.  
  
Ridiculous! I have never entertained such ideas, nor have I ever joked about them. I am not suicidal, not masochistic, not in any way wishing harm upon myself or others. My scars are not my fault, but I hadn't managed to convince my father that they were instead caused by another. Of course, how can I prove it without getting in even more trouble with him?  
  
For, you see, my father is ashamed of me. And I believe for a very ignorant reason. He is Anglican Catholic, and I am a polytheist. He had noticed when I had worn my ankh pendant after my sixteenth birthday. Yugi and his yami had gotten it for me, and I had been so exited. And I had thought that my father, Christian or not, would think it was cool, because he is a professor of archaeology. My, how wrong had I been! I don't think he could have been any less tolerant. He had condemned it as a "heathen cross of a primitive people." Ugh. Baka! Khem! Oh, great. Now I'm swearing like Bakura! Oy. For your information, that means "ignorant person."  
  
But, that's when he had had me evaluated. Examined. Tests like mad, to determine if I was mad. And that's when they had found my scars. Not only a few, but many. All over my chest and shoulders, one or two on my arms. Mostly where Bakura had hit me, or knocked me down onto the furniture. Not scars caused by cutting or clawing myself. But the idiot physicians couldn't tell the difference, and they had immediately told my father that I was a threat to my own safety. He didn't care, he had practically said he hated me, but he now had a reason to have me locked away.  
  
So here I am, three days into my solitude. "Father" hasn't visited, and I know he won't. I don't care, I feel betrayed. I've lost everything. My dueling cards ("They obviously have been encouraging godless and violent ideas."), my ankh ("Maybe if he doesn't have his pagan items, he will forget."), and mostly, the Millennium Ring. Because it is a pagan item. Because it has sharp points. And because it is gold. It had been pawned. Ooh, that had pissed me off to no end. It was mine! And, it had Bakura.  
  
I grind my teeth as I think of my yami. It was his fault I had been stuck here. Yes, my "father" would have searched for another way to get me sent to the mental institution, but I'm certain I could have avoided it, if not for those bloody scars. Bakura-sama's fault I'm here, and his fault I am more miserable than ever. No television, no radio, no games, no visitors, no snacks, no friends. No Bakura-sama. I am not mad, but I'm surely on my way. Losing my mind to this bland semi-existence.  
  
I lay down on the small cot, bolted down "for my safety," and sigh. Curling up under the thin sheet, I think of how much weight I must have lost. I eat, but I cannot stomach much food, so I send much away. I think if I had to eat one more Ausar-damned chicken soup, I'd puke.  
  
I startle to a loud creak, and I turn to see the door open. "You have a visitor," the nurse murmurs, slowly, as though I cannot understand speech. Gods, woman! I'm bored, not slow! But then it registers. A visitor? "Many, actually."  
  
"Nima-?" I ask, before realizing I am once again speaking the language of Kemet. I correct myself. "Who?"  
  
My heart lurches and lightens as I see. Yugi! And Jonouchi, Honda, Anzu, and even the Kaiba brothers! I bolt up and wrap my arms around as many of them as I can get in one hug. "What the hell are all of you doing here? How did you get them to-" I am interrupted by Kaiba Seto.  
  
"Well, I have some considerable sway in many places, and it only took a little persuasion to convince them that you should have more than one visitor." He gives a wink and a sly grin. I feel tears forming as I drag them all to sit near me. Even the colors of all of them make me feel better, and the human warmth is very comforting. And new smells! I had never imagined that being deprived would make me so sensitive to them. I cry on shoulders, each of them holding me for a time, and I revel in the touch. Even Kaiba gives me a warm embrace.  
  
"Why did you all-"  
  
"Ryou, we know how you feel. Maybe not exactly, but we all know what it's like to be stuck somewhere, when it's not your own fault." Yugi takes my hand in his, and I feel someone- probably Anzu- scratching my back gently. "But we have stuff for you!"  
  
"Oh? What kind of stuff?" I look around, and see that they each have a paper bag. Yugi gives me his, first. I open it, and find cards. Dueling cards. My dueling cards!  
  
"Neteru! Where did you get these?"  
  
"Snagged them from your father's trash. Luckily, they were in a bag of all of your stuff, so they weren't damaged! We're saving your clothes for when you get out." I smile gratefully, and hug Yugi again. Jonouchi shoves his bag at me next. I laugh at his enthusiasm, and take it.   
  
"No way! Jerkyjerkyjerkyjerky! Ankh neter, Jonouchi, how did you know I wanted this so bad?"  
  
He shrugs. "Hell, I hear the food they serve here sucks, so I decided to get you some interesting food!" Then, Honda hands me his sack. Inside, I find my ankh! Squealing like I had used to on Christmas, I give him a high-five.  
  
"Here, Ryou! There's a couple of things in there." Anzu gives me a sisterly peck on the cheek before relinquishing her gift. I start to drool as I pull out one thing. Chocolate!  
  
"Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes! Arigatou, Anzu!" There are several bars in there, and I let them fall onto the bed. "Don't sit on them!" I caution my friends. "If you do, you're eating it!" Jonouchi makes a motion to flop onto them, but catches himself just in time, and gives me a joking little smirk. When I remove all of the candy, I find a small pack of emery boards.  
  
"I remember you biting your nails whenever you were really antsy, and I know bitten nails get really jagged, and catch on fabric. Big pain. I would have brought clippers, to keep them short, or a file, but I know the damn nurses, if they caught you with them, would take them because they'd think you're going to hurt yourself with them. Hopefully, these won't be taken." I wrap my arms around her neck, and she pats me on the back.  
  
Mokuba tosses his bag at me, and I feel it's something heavy. And sort of big. I growl as I fumble with it. Taped! Ugh. Oh, well. I'll get it. Hey, a book! A little paperback, of the Star Wars Episode Two novel! I give him a thumbs-up, and he returns it.  
  
The elder Kaiba's turn. His gift is wrapped in tissue, as well, and when I unwrap it, there lies a small pocket computer, and a couple of games. My eyes bug, and I stammer, "What- how?"  
  
"Anoo, moshi moshi! Have you forgotten that I'm filthy rich? Not to mention a technological phenomenon? I can afford it. And I'm doing it because I know that I'D be bored shitless here. With this, you can write, play games, draw, and listen to some music I've loaded into it. There are some earphones taped inside the bag." I flip the switch on the side of the device, and it starts an operating program that was probably designed by Kaiba himself. "And there's an antenna, so you can use it as a cell phone or to email people. I put all of our addresses and phone numbers in. Use the left earphone as a microphone when speaking or recording sounds. It won't interfere with any of the hospital's communications, so they won't even notice it if you keep it hidden. The battery is good for an entire month's worth of continual use, and I'll make sure you get a new one. You can pick up television signals, and I have you programmed to be able to get satellite channels. There's a digi-cam above the screen, so you can do live video or photos. Basically all you can't do with this, communications-wise, is broadcast on TV. That is, unless somehow you hack into the stations." He wears a guilty grin, and I wonder just how he managed to do it. Hm. Fun idea!  
  
"Wow. Aww, thank you all! I know I'll probably never be able to pay you back for this, Kaiba-"  
  
"Who gives a damn? It cost me, money-wise, practically nothing, and only a couple of hours putting it together. It was less to make than it would have if I had gotten you a standard, already-made pocket-PC. Just don't get the damn thing confiscated."  
  
"Like I would! No way! I'm definitely keeping this well hidden."  
  
"So Ryou, we really don't know the circumstances that well, just that your father's been a major baka. Would you fill us in?" Yugi asks gently, and I know that he's worried about offending or hurting me. I smile to reassure him.  
  
"Thank you for asking. You don't know how much it means that all of you came here just to hear some semi-sane quiet kid vent."  
  
"Hey, no problem!" Jonouchi rests his arm around my shoulders in a companionable hug, and I reach behind me for a Hershey bar (with almonds. ^_____^ yum). Unwrapping it and chomping into it, I tell them about my father's abhorrence of my paganism, how my scars from Bakura's abuse "incriminated" me (in the stupidest way possible), and how "dad" had pawned the Millennium Ring. When I finish, Yugi is clearly outraged.  
  
"Ugh! That baka no baka! Khem khet khensh! Ankh neter, Ryou, I swear he's more khefti than Bakura!" Anoo, you may want translations. Khem khet: incompetant man. Khensh: stink. Ankh neter (did I use this already?): an oath by the Gods. Khefti: enemy.  
  
"So your yami's got you swearing in the tongue of Kemet, too?"  
  
He nods with a giggle, fondly clutching the chain of his puzzle, and I feel a sharp pang of regret and envy. He's so lucky that he has no kin disapproving of any of his actions or beliefs. And that his yami hasn't done anything to get him into as big of trouble as mine has. I know my small friend is in love with his other half, and I cannot blame him. It is nothing but natural to love your soulmate, and I've been secretly praying that Bakura-sama feels the same about me. With a frustrated sigh, I come to the conclusion that, even if he did, it's too late to find out.  
  
My friends, however, notice my pensive mood. "What's wrong, Ryou?" Anzu askes politely. I shake my head.  
  
"Nothing, really, I'm just thinking."  
  
"Uh-oh! Y'know, thinking can really hurt," Jonouchi teases to lighten my mood. It doesn't help much.  
  
"Agreed, but it's something that has to be done. I was just thinking about Bakura-sama." All of them flinch at my submissive term for my yami, but especially Honda.  
  
"What about him? I would think you'd be glad to get rid of that jerk!" I wince, somewhat hurt by his insult.  
  
"It's not that simple, Honda-kun," Yugi interferes. "Bakura-san is Ryou's yami. Just like Yami is mine. Bakura-san may not be that nice, but I know I need Yami, and so I think Ryou's feeling just about the same way I would if Yami were taken. Maybe a bit more confused, though, because he's not sure that Bakura-san returns his feelings. He sure doesn't seem to, but he's a pissy person anyway." I frown. "But that's not the point. The point is that Ryou and Bakura-san are two halves of a whole, and that neither is complete without the other. Like a yin-yang. There's a little bit of Yami in me, and a little bit of Bakura-san in Ryou, and you can't separate without causing pain."  
  
I nod, wrapping my arms around myself as I think of all of the times my yami would beat me. He would curse at me, call me stupid, or weak, or say he should have a better "host," but looking back on it, I realize that he never once said that he hated me, or that he wished me gone, or dead. He never threatened my life, never held a weapon to me, never hit me on the head, and always patched up my wounds as best as possible. I suddenly find a wave of loneliness sweep over me as I admit to myself that I miss him. I allow a tear to fall, and someone- I think Yugi, the hand seemed small- brushes it away.  
  
"Who knows? With all we've been through, I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up with him. I know everything's gonna be okay. The Ring belongs to you, and somehow, you'll get it back." I exhale deeply as I smile my thanks.  
  
"So, when're you getting out?" Mokuba asks, and I grin wryly.  
  
"Well, until I'm eighteen, I can't request a reevaluation for myself, and my father definitely won't. So, at least twenty-one more months." They gasp in unison, and, sadly, I hang my head.  
  
"Ooh, that asshole! $@$*^#@%$&%#*#%^@$&^##^%*..." Kaiba goes into a cursing tirade, alternating between Nihongo, Mandarin, Ra em Kemet (the language of Kemet), Korean, English, Spanish, French, Hindi, Russian, and several other languages I can't identify. Mokuba's eyes grow wide, and he begins to giggle.  
  
"Big brother! You're gonna get us kicked out, influence or no influence!" His words immediately have an effect on the elder Kaiba, and he regains his composure. Touched by all of their support, I grab them all in another group hug.  
  
"Don't worry. This cell is soundproof. They wouldn't notice a bomb going off in here unless it blew the wall down."  
  
"It is? Whoo! WHOO! PARTY!!!" Jonouchi hollers, jumping around like a maniac.  
  
"Okay, I think the Inu needs to be in this kennel, not you!" Kaiba mutters, rolling his eyes, but I see a genuine shine of amusement in them. I grab Jonouchi's sleeve and yank him on his rear on the bed. Correction: Not on the bed. I missed. He wound up in Kaiba's lap.  
  
"Hey, watch where you're throwin' me!"  
  
"Yeah! Watch where you're throwing him!" They both squirm, but surprisingly, Kaiba doesn't shove him off. Nor does Jonouchi shove himself away from the billionaire. Their eyes meet, and I see a blush growing on their faces, before Jonouchi bashfully looks away. I realize something important has happened, that they have found something. And I think everyone in the room can see it. I feel slightly jealous, because of the fact that, clearly, they are attracted to one another. Clearly, something significant passed between them in that instant, that touched both of them to their cores. It was beautiful, that they had seen that, but I know that they'll have a rocky time. They'll have to talk it over. Lucky them.  
  
Clearing his throat, Jonouchi scoots off of Kaiba's lap, and Kaiba shakes his head. Absently, he scratches behind the other's ear, and I can see a daze in their eyes. Wistfully, Kaiba slips his arms around Jonouchi, who, stunned by the ear-scratching (mmm. That seems like it would feel good. ~___________~. Uh-oh. Fantasizing about Bakura= me getting sleepy. Uh-oh.), leans into the embrace eagerly. I exchange glances with everyone else, and all of them have either an amused smirk or a,"Aaw!" tupe of smile. Neteru (Gods.). Getting SO envious here.  
  
Yugi, with a shy grin, hugs his Millennium Puzzle to his chest, and I feel tears once again forming. Aaugh! Man, it seems like EVERYONE is with the one they love. Jonouchi and Kaiba, Yugi and Yugioh, Honda has Shizuka, and Mokuba's not really old enough. Wait. Everyone but Anzu is.  
  
"Are you okay?" I whisper.  
  
"Hai. I'm just thinking."  
  
"Oh, no." She elbows me in the ribs for this.  
  
"Oh, quiet. I'm just thinking about Yugi."  
  
"That's clear enough. What about Yugi?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. Nothing really. Just thinking about how perfect he and Yami are for each other."  
  
"Are you jealous?" I hug her lightly.  
  
"Iie. I guess I had been, and I do feel somewhat left out, but they're supposed to be together. Ever since Duelist Kingdom, I've been able to feel Yugi's really strong emotions, like fear or love, and it's never been stronger than when he's thinking about Yami." My eyes grow wide as I hear her confession. She sighs. "It sort of hurt, at first, because I do feel strongly for Yugi, but, well, I guess we're not meant to be."  
  
"You'll find love, Anzu. You're too wonderful a person, even if you can be a little too optimistic for me to handle at times." She smiles at me, and I wink. "Someone's going to fall in love, and be very lucky. You're a great friend, and I think that someone who can be a great friend could also be a great soulmate. I don't really have much of a taste in females, but I think that you're very pretty, and I know I have a good taste in what's pleasant-looking, be it art, nature, or people. And you're so much smarter than a whole lot of people realize. True, you can be a bit long-winded, but you've definitely improved that, and you're often the first one to notice problems. And I've been told about a lot of situations in which YOU remember stuff, and remind others of it. During the duel with Pegasus, I heard that you were the one to reassure Yugi that, even though Pegasus had magic, Yugi did, too. Also, I DO think it's pretty cool that you can pick locks. I can, too, but it took me a long time to get it. And you were the one to realize that Kujaku Mai was trying to help Yugi in their duel, and a whole lot of stuff. You're a valuable friend, even though when I first heard one of your friendship-rants, I SO wanted to puke. You've really improved in that, though. When was the last time you went off on one of those? When dueling Mai, I believe, although you were jabbering on quite a bit about it during Yugi and Jonouchi's duel. But I wholeheartedly agreed with you, there. And besides, I DO admire the fact that you bitched out Mai. Not that I dislike her, but I do think she had it coming. I think-"  
  
"Ryou, it's okay. I get it!" Anzu giggles. "You can shut up, now! And you say I'm windy!"  
  
"Gomen." My face reddens, and I shake my blabberiness out of my head. Looking around, I see Honda-kun popping a stick of gum in his mouth. Yugi, his eyes glazed, is obviously speaking with Yugioh-san. Mokuba has pulled out a Gameboy, and his brother is still absently cuddling the now asleep-looking Jonouchi. Suddenly, the door creaks open once more.  
  
"Eight-o'clock. No more visitors." The nurse's words, now crisp and quick. Well, decided I'm no longer stupid? Everyone shakes themself out of their respective daxe, and I rise. Hugging them all, I thank them for their company.  
  
"You don't know how good it feels that all of you came here for me."  
  
"Hey, don't worry! We'll all be back, though probably not all at once for a while. I think we should make it a point for at least one of us to make it here at least every other day." Yugi suggests, and everyone nods.  
  
"Hey, we love you, Ryou. And I'm sorry if I've been 'windy.'" Anzu ruffles my hair, and each of them tries to smother me in another embrace, all at once. I laugh enthusiastically, and I shove them out the door.  
  
"Go! Don't make it so you can't come back!" When I see them outside, on the sidewalk past the yard and fence, I wave. Somehow, they see me, and all wave back. Flopping onto the cot, I yelp as I realize I'm on my chocolate. Shit. I stuff them under the pillow, and the rest of the gifts under the cot. Turning off the light and laying down, I think of my father, my friends, and my yami. How I was so lucky that my father didn't know of my homosexuality before I was locked away. How I'm so fortunate to have such spectacular friends. And how much I miss Bakura-sama. Ooh, that makes me seem so petty. If he were just some abusive baka, I couldn't care less. But I feel so attached to him, so stuck. Even when I'm away from him, he's still my master! I can't get him out of my head, my heart, my soul. Ugh. Just like Yugi said, there's some of him in me. But is there any of me in him? Wrapping myself in the blanket, I curl up. Is it my imagination, or is ther a bright light in here? I don't know, but I'm...  
  
...falling...  
  
...asleep...  
  
****  
  
Kai: O.O Well, some of that went berserk. The words in the language of the people that lived where Egypt is now? Real words, taken from /An Egyptian Hieroglyphic Reading Book for Beginners/ by E. A. Wallis Budge. Ugh. I will not call it ancient Egypt. It was not ancient back then, nor was it Egypt! And the Anzu-compliments? Just justifying her reason for existence. She's not really a bad character, in my opinion. Hell, in this story, she gives Ryou chocolate! Anyone that gives their friends chocolate is cool! Gimme? Leave it in your reviews! I'll need ideas, though. Is this cute, or crappy? Too cliche`, or is it unusual enough? I love you people. Gods, I'm a bloody sap. Oy. Some semi-citric stuff next chapter. 


	2. Welcomed Touch

Chapter Two~ Welcomed Touch  
  
****  
  
Mmmmmmmm. Ehehh. Huh? Whaaaat's doooooing thiiiis? Mmm. Yummmmy purrrrry feeeeeling. Mmmmmmmm. Aaaaaaaaaahhh, mmmm, oooohhh. Yiiiiiiiikes. ~________________~.  
  
Wha-? Who's scratching my baaaaaaaaaaaack? Mmmmmmmm. Sleeeeeeeeeepy, cuddlycuddly. Yumyumyumyumyum. Oh, what's going on? Who's trying to turn me into muuush? Who's trying to make me so snugglysnugglymmmmm? Oh, how I wish it were Bakura-saaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaa...  
  
"Hikari," Mmmmmm, such a yummmmmy voice murmurmurmurmuring in my ear so softcuddlyyumyumyum. "Ryou." Yes, Bakura-sama-sama-yumyum?  
  
BAKURA-SAMA? I bolt up, wide awake, my back still tingling. "Ah, good. You're up."  
  
"Wha-? Yes, I'm awake. I- wha- how- heh- wha- I- eheh, how the- why- what- oh, Bakura-sama!" I wrap my arms around his neck, burying my face in his softsoft cuddly yumyum hair. Boy, I'm sure coherent when I'm just awakened and cuddle-starved! Mmmmm, cuddle... (droooooling /_________\)  
  
He stiffens, slightly, before he begins to pat me on the back. Oh, come on, Bakura-samayummyone! Pleaseplease scratch? It's so gentle and snuggly. Please? See, I'll be good, good little Ryou-hikari if you'll be cuddly yummyyami Bakura-saaamaaaaa. Oh, yepyep. I'm a fluff-brain.  
  
I whimper as I feel his hands begin to knead my back through my pajamas. Mmmmmmmmmmmyumyumyummmmmmm. Sosnugglycuddlymmmmm. My lips quivering, I whisper against his neck, "Oh, Bakura-sama, I missed you so much! But- but how did you-"  
  
"Shut up, twerp. Remember when Honda-no-baka chucked the Ring at Duelist Kingdom?" I nod. "And how I came back? Well, that's how. I'm not letting any khem temu (stupid mortals) take you from me. I need you, 'cause you're my host, Hikari, and I take what's mine."  
  
Mmmmmmmm. Me, Bakura-sama's. Mmmmm. Nuzzling his shoulder, I lean against him. Mmmmmm. Yuuuuuuuuuummmmmyyyyyyyyy. Desperate for affection, I wrap my legs around his waist. "Oki-doki," I mumble happily. "I'm just glad you're back! I've been sort of lonely, even though Yugi and his meru (friends) came over earlier."  
  
"They did, ne? You didn't think enough to nab the Puzzle for me while they were?" His eyebrow raises in amusement, and I blush, even though I know he really didn't expect me to. I shake my head, anyway.  
  
"You're not angry, are you?"  
  
"Naah. Not like you would. And not like I would want my Hikari to get blasted by Aa-perti Khem (Pharaoh Idiot)! I need your body, you pathetic little twit." My face reddens more at the idea of him "needing my body." Ugh! Hentai, hentai, HENTAI!!!  
  
I shake my embarrassment off, knowing full well that if he caught me blushing so furiously, he would find out about my feelings. Bakura-sama+ My feelings+ His ability to bust into my private thoughts= NOT GOOD AT ALL!!!= ITAI!!!  
  
His fingers absently continue to stroke my back, and I grow very quiet. I tremble at the gentle touch, and sigh. "Tell me, Hikari, are you feeling all right, here? You know, when the people come to give you food, I can always kick the crap out of them."  
  
"Please, no, Bakura-sama. We need to be patient. You can't kick an entire hospital's arse without the monsters, and if you do that, we'll have the military on our arses. Not a fun idea." He looks downcast, and I roll my eyes.  
  
"Damn. You're no fun." Fun? Oh, crap. Man, I've gotta get my mind out of my pants. Man, do I ever wish that he considered me "fun," but in more comfy ways. More loving ways. I release a deep breath, trying to just relax and ignore my body's more *personal* needs. A tear trickles down my cheek, and I wipe it off on Bakura-sama's jacket. Surprised, he squeezes me lightly.  
  
"What's up, Hikari? Sheesh, I'm not even whacking you around, and you're crying!" His voice is low, and I could swear I hear a tinge of regret within it. "Do I bother you that much?"  
  
'Yes,' I want to say, 'you bother me in ways that you'd probably hate.' But my only response is a simple shake of my head.  
  
"You know, Hikari, I've got one thing to say to that. Bullshit." He pushes me out of his arms and holds me by the shoulders. "Look at you. Neteru! For the sake of the Gods! You're scared!" Looking away in disgust, he removes his touch from me completely. Helplessly, I hang my head. The last thing I want is to disgust Bakura-sama.  
  
"Maybe I should just go. It's clear I'm not going to do you any good." His barely audible declaration hurts, and I gasp.  
  
"Ba-Bakura-sama! No!" He turns away.  
  
"Ryou, it's probably better. You know, I'm the one who ended up getting you locked in here. Maybe without me, you can get out."  
  
"No! Bakura-sama, don't go!" Impulsively, I reach for him, flinging my arms around his neck. Resting my head on his back, I pray that he'll stay. With a hiss, he falls to his knees. "Bakura-sama, please! I don't want to be alone!" Tentatively, he shifts position to sit on his rear.  
  
"Is that it? Am I just here for your company?" Neteru, he sounds so hurt! Shyly, I blush.  
  
"I- I never wanted you to think that! That's not all of it, there's the fact that I need you!"  
  
"Are you sure? Or are you just lonely?" He speaks quietly, and he sounds like he feels my words are a dishonest statement.   
  
"Bakura-sama, I AM lonely, but there's more!" I lose all restraint as I sob, clutching his collar. "Bakura-sama, please stay with me! I need you! I love you!"  
  
He freezes, and I curl into a tight fetal position in his lap. "Is that it, Hikari? Or are you just lonely?"  
  
"IT'S NOT JUST LONELINESS! It's been happening since before I got stuck here! I've loved you ever since I figured out why I couldn't want to get rid of you! I need you! I need you with me, even if you're being mean! I hate it when you hurt me, but I don't care! I need you! Without you, I can't take it! You're mine!"  
  
Abruptly, I am snapped out of my rant as I feel the sharp contact of flesh against my cheek. "I am not yours! Ra-damnit! I'm not your freakin' slave!" Too late, I realize what he may have thought I meant.  
  
"Ba-Bakura-sama, I wasn't saying you were! I meant that you're too important to me for me to be able to live without you. Hell, if anything, I'm YOUR slave!"  
  
I nurse my cheek, noticing that the slap wasn't even a bruiser. Good. The last thing I need is for the damn quacks to see me with more injury. Bakura is silent, for a time, before he finally responds.  
  
"Important? Slave? I- you- really?" His crimson eyes are flooded with uncertainty.  
  
"Bakura-sama, please. I- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I just need you so much! Please, don't leave me." I fumble my hands in my lap, and bite my lip. He sighs, a deep, snarling exhalation.  
  
"Listen, kid. You're wrong. You don't love me. You're just stupid. You can't tell the difference between love and dependence." He turns away, as though ashamed of that statement. I flinch, and, rejected, lie facing the wall. In resignation, I allow my eyes to fall shut.  
  
"If you feel that I am not able to make that distinction, then I suppose that I am not, Master." My tone is cold, formal. "It is as you say, my Master, and I apologize for contradicting you. I am not the one to decide how I feel." I hear him hiss sharply, and I know I've hit a chord. "Master, I am stupid. I am wrong. I do not love you." These last words tear at my heart more distinctly than any of his ever could, but I keep my voice from betraying my emotions.  
  
He hesitates, before curtly responding. "Good. It's understood. You do not love me, and you cannot love me. It is impossible." I wrap the thin sheet of the cot around my shoulders, and block my heart from Bakura-sama, but, even more importantly, block it from myself.  
  
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Please review, and all you yaoi-haters out there, if you've read this far and you flame me, that makes you a flamer! And anyone who hates yaoi is obviously a homophobe, thus knows ALL insults to homosexuals. So, doesn't that make one of those insults apply to you? ^___^ How was this chapter? Tune in for the next chapter, please! And if you don't plan on it, please review telling me why unless it is merely a "that sucks" type of review. 


	3. Unwelcomed Attention

You still here? YAAAAY! *crickets chirping* Oh. Okidoki, I'll write this anyway! WARNING! Almost-rape (Comes to senses). It's not what you'd expect.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter Three~ Unwelcomed Attention  
  
****  
  
When I awake, it is to a slam. Startled, I bolt up, my eyes darting around the cramped, bare cell. All I find is a tray, on the bedside table, with a bowl of oatmeal- looks like raisin- and a small cup of some sort of red juice-stuff. Swinging my long legs out of the bed, I begin to munch. Oh, good, the oatmeal has cinnamon and brown sugar, too. That's an interesting combination. Maybe they ran low of one type, so mixed them. All I know is, it's pretty tasty. The juice- punch, really- is too sweet, so I down it and wash it down with the oatmeal. Afterwards, I pull out the handheld PC Kaiba-kun gave me, and take a quick glance. Turning it on, I push the MENU button. A list comes on, of some programs. WordMaster, Virtualopolis, MediaStar, etc. And Tele-Com Central. I select this, and, as I suspect, it is the cell-phone/email program. I explore for a while, before finding the address book. Hm. I look up Yugi's number, and press the ENTER button to autodial.  
  
"Moshi moshi, Mutou Sugoroku desu."  
  
"Ohayo gozaimasu, Mutou-san. Bakura Ryou desu. Is Yugi-kun there?"  
  
"Hai. One minute, please!"  
  
I smile, thankful that I would be able to speak with my friend. He picks up the other line. "Moshi moshi, Ryou-kun! What's up?"  
  
"Me, I think. I don't know, I could just be dead and in hell." I keep my voice light, to show I'm just joking.  
  
"Oh. Hell's not fun."  
  
"I don't know, it's pretty boring."  
  
"Boring? Want me to come over to hang out?"  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't want to screw up your- wait, what day is it?"  
  
"Saturday."  
  
"Your weekend. I wouldn't want you to waste it on me-"  
  
"Waste? Ryou-kun, you're my friend! I'm not gonna just let you rot away in there alone!" Grateful, I give a slight chuckle.  
  
"Arigatou. You're a real friend, you know?"  
  
"I hope so. I hope I'm real!" We have a good laugh over this.  
  
"Okay, see you soon!"  
  
"Ryou-kun! Hey!" Yugi pulls me into a kind hug, which I return. "So you figured out how to use the computer?"  
  
"No, I learned how to tap into the phone lines telepathically. Of course I did!" He grins at this small bit of sarcasm.  
  
"Oh! It took you that long to find out how? I learned that a year and a half ago!" We bust up, and I find myself leaning against him, my laughing weakens me so much. My stomach churns, and I remind myself to not laugh so hard so soon after eating. He wraps an arm companionably around my shoulders, and I rest my head against his.  
  
"Man, I didn't sleep that well." My carelessly muttered confession causes my small friend to raise an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh? Akh? (Why?)"  
  
"Ah, I just didn't feel too well last night."  
  
"Are you okay now?"  
  
"Yeah, I think so." Khem, khem, khem! The last thing you need is for Yugi to start asking questions.  
  
"I hope so! I don't want to see you hurt." He gently scratches my back, and I feel my stomach settle. Closing my eyes, I let my head droop lazily. I take a deep breath, and release it slowly. The feel of someone working to calm me is intoxicating, and I lay my head on his shoulder.  
  
"Thank you so much, Yugi-kun. I don't know what I'd do without you." Touched by his compassion, I find myself growing comfortable against him. Comfortable?  
  
"Ryou-kun, no problem. I know how it feels to not be able to get away from something that's not your fault. I can't help that I've got the Puzzle, 'cause if I give it away, or anything happens to it, I'd be totally scared. Scared for the world, yeah, because with that kind of power, only the Gods know what could be done. But I'd be more scared for Yami. He's just so alone, except for me, really. No one else really tries to talk to him. And he's confused about his past, even though he's learned a lot. But I've gotta be there for Yami."  
  
I feel waves of envy pour through me, as I think of Yugi getting along so well with Yugioh-san. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, and pull Yugi into a tighter embrace. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. So warm...  
  
So warm, and so kind. So soft, and caring. Such a friend, and so great. I feel accepted, like he won't reject me. Like he won't leave me...  
  
Leave me? But he'll have to, eventually. Oh, but he's just so kind...  
  
So full, so innocent. He won't hurt me. He won't reject me. He won't hate me. He's too loving. He won't make me feel bad, for what I feel. He won't call me stupid, or pathetic, or hurt me. He'll stay!  
  
I wrap my arms around his slim waist, pulling him into a passionate cuddle. Pressing my lips to his forehead, I murmur quietly, "Thank you."  
  
"For- for what?" I don't even notice the flustered stammer.  
  
"For being here for me. For offering your support, your sympathy. For cheering me up. For accepting me for who I am, and for being my friend." I press my cheek to his, nuzzling it softly before I continue, in a low, heartfelt tone. "Yugi, I can't take it anymore. I need you!"  
  
He gasps, his deep violet eyes growing wide and nervous. "What? Ryou-kun, I-" I cut him off with my lips upon his, claiming them desperately. His hands on my shoulders push, but I wrap my fingers in his silken black hair. Releasing the kiss, I trail them down his smooth neck.  
  
"Ryou-kun, wait- I- I just- please- I- no, please! Stop!" His words don't register. I need this. I need to feel loved. His trembling- shaking, really- feels good to my lips, and I press him onto the bed. "Aah, Ryou-kun, no! Let me- hold it! Stop! No, please, I just- I don't- please, no, I- ah- I don't- aaah- want this! Ryou-kun- no! Damnit, knock- unh- knock it off! Ehhh- Ryou-kun-" Again I kiss him, my tongue demanding permission to enter. His teeth clench, but chatter. I begin to caress his jawline, and his lips quiver open. I easily dominate him, slipping my hands into his shirt. He jerks away with a sharp inhalation, squirming and panting. "Ryou-kun, I don't want to- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." He moans as I begin to stroke his chest, directly in the vulnerable center. Pulling his tee shirt off, I kiss the side of his neck, and he whimpers.  
  
"Yugi, I need you. I need this. I need to be loved," I breathe in his ear, and he turns his head away. Licking his earlobe, I run my fingers down his bare back. He shivers, but makes no other motion. I allow my tongue to run down his neck, shoulder, chest. His chest heaves with his panting, and I clutch him to me possessively.  
  
"I'm sorry." A mere whisper.  
  
"Nani?" I freeze.  
  
"I'm sorry. I thought that you wanted to talk. I didn't know you expected this." His eyes are squeezed shut, and he shudders. "I didn't know that you thought that I was a slut." I gasp, my arousal retreating. Slut? I back away, tears forming in my eyes. Releasing him, I gaze into midair in shock.  
  
"Sl-slut? I- I don't-"  
  
"Then why? Why were you taking it out on me?" His voice quavers, and as I look back at him, I see bitter tears in his eyes. My breath catches in my throat, and I bury my face in my hands.  
  
"Ah, Neteru! I- I'm so sorry! I- oh, no, shit! What have I done? I- Yugi-kun, I can't believe I-"  
  
"Well you did!" He screams this with a sob. "You were about to freaking- ugh! I- I can't believe it either! And all that talk about friends!" He grabs his shirt, and indignantly yanks it back on. "I hate to say this to someone I care about, but Ryou-kun, I don't want to see you until you've got your head on straight! I don't want to deal with you unless I can be sure you're not going to try to screw me! I was trying to help you, and- ugh!" In frustration, he slams one small fist into his palm. Fully ashamed, I walk over to the window, resting my feverish forehead to the cool pane of glass.  
  
"I know." I grasp the bars of the window, trying to control my crying. "I know, and I'm sorry-"  
  
"Sorry? SORRY? How dare you talk about sorry? Say sorry to someone you weren't trying to lay!"  
  
"Yugi! May I please speak? I can't believe I betrayed you like that. I- I'm so sorry, I just, I never thought you're a slut! Ankh Neter, Yugi, if anything, I'm the slut here! I can't believe I was so- aaah!" I collapse, weeping. "Yugi-kun, I'm sorry! Just, please, even if you don't visit again, can I please still call?" The only sounds for several seconds are that of his heavy breathing and my jerking sobs. Then, he replies.  
  
"Yes. Just- never tell anyone of this. If Yami were to find out..." He leaves it hanging, and I understand. Suddenly, a terrifying thought occurs to me.  
  
~~~~"I- I never wanted you to think that! That's not all of it, there's the fact that I need you!"  
  
"Are you sure? Or are you just lonely?"~~~~  
  
Neteru. Bakura-sama- oh, no! I had been doing to Yugi what Bakura-sama had feared I'd do to him! What if- what if Bakura-sama was right? I punch the floor, and swear. What if Bakura-sama was right, and that I couldn't understand the difference between love and loneliness?  
  
"Ryou-kun, are you going to be okay?" Yugi's voice, still cautious, nonetheless holds concern. I sigh.  
  
"Yugi-kun, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dragged you into this. This was between my yami and I, and I- I can't believe I-"  
  
"What was between you and I?" Oh, shit. That harsh voice could only come from one person.  
  
"Bakura-sama! Master, I'm sorry! It's nothing!" Just when did he come out of the Ring? Yugi grasps the Millennium Puzzle, and assumes a defensive posture.  
  
"Nothing? Hm. By the stressed-out looks on your faces, I'd say you're dealing with a shitload more than nothing."  
  
"Bakura-san, Ryou-kun is right! We're fine."  
  
"Fine? Then why is my hikari's face red? Or his eyes? And why are his pants bulging like that?" WHAT? Oh, shit! Is my body still turned on? Yugi is quick to answer, though.  
  
"We were reading some depressing lemony stuff on his pocket-PC. It was pretty hot, even though it was a bummer story." Thank you, Yugi.  
  
"Well, whatever."  
  
Yugi stands, stretches, and gives me a friendly punch on the shoulder. When he picked that move up from Jonouchi, I don't know, but at least he doesn't pound like the blond does. "Well, I oughta go. I promised Honda that I'd help him with his motorcycle."  
  
"And you know just what about motorcycles?"  
  
"I know more about the tools used to fix them. I'm basically only going to hand him stuff."  
  
The excuse is near bullshit, but it's solid enough for my yami. "Okay. Sayonara, Yugi-kun!"  
  
"Ja ne! See ya later, Ryou-kun!" Bakura-sama hides behind the door as Yugi leaves through it, but when it closes, he stands there, tapping his foot.  
  
"See? You're an idiot." I glare as those words have more of an effect upon me than I let on.  
  
"Oh? What now?"  
  
"Well, let me see. From the looks of things, 1) You tried to screw the Pharaoh's hikari. Dumb move. 2) You did it against his will. Dumber move. 3) You lied to me. REALLY dumb move. And last, you're an idiot because you thought that first, you could find love with me, and then you thought you could find love from the pipsqueak. You little dumbass. You're just a little slut, aren't you? Trying to get some from anyone you can. Well let me tell you something, hikari. THERE. IS. NO. LOVE! If there was love, you wouldn't be in here. If there was love, you'd be screwing the brains out of the Pharaoh's hikari right now. If there was love, then I'd be able to get some! Well, Ryou, you want love? Tough. There's no such thing! But if you want sex, then fine! Call your friends and have them come over, I'm sure they'd love to spend some 'quality' time with you!" And with this, he disappeared into the Ring. Terrified more by my own actions than his words, I sat on the edge of my bed, pulling my knees to my chest and uneasily rocking myself.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
O_O; Okay, that came out strangely. But I think it works. Is this too lemony for PG-13? Should I raise the rating? Please be honest with me. All right, I think I can get away with saying this is not cliche`. I've never read a fic like this. Do I portray the characters well? Don't flame, because it's just not intelligent to go around writing reviews that say "this sucks." Make COHERENT, RELEVANT comments! 


	4. Welcomed Forgiveness

If you're still with me, thank you. If not, then you're not even reading these sentences! Now, lets see where I go with this chapter!  
  
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Chapter Four~ Welcomed Forgiveness  
  
****  
  
I nap for the remainder of the morning, until lunch- another bloody chicken soup. Ugh. I'm boycotting Campbell's when I get out of here! I chomp down viciously on a celery stalk, wishing I had some peanut butter to go with it, but am interrupted by a beeping. I nearly jump out of my skin, but control myself so my food doesn't go flying. Picking up my computer, I see I have an email.  
  
[To: Bakura Ryou, ba_hikari_albino@netsender.com.  
  
From: Mutou Yugi, darky_rocks_like_Augertet@mailzap.com.  
  
Subject: Our yami.  
  
Hey, R-kun! Oy, that was close. Or did he figure it out anyway? I know Yami can tell if I'm lying. Listen, about this morning. I promise I won't tell anyone, but I really don't think we should hang out in person for a while. I don't want to sound mean, but you were scaring me. A lot. But I bet you were scaring yourself, too. Oy. I thought you were a virgin! You've never had a boyfriend (as far as I know).  
  
Listen. Please- and I know you will- keep quiet about this. If Yami learned about this, he'd go ballistic on one or both of us. I hate having to hide it from him, but it's dangerous to let him know. If your yami's mad, I'm sorry. I hope he hasn't hurt you. How did he get back, anyway? Is it like how he still possessed you after Honda threw the Ring away?  
  
Don't want to make this too long. Please respond. Remember, I still consider you my friend. I hope you can straighten your emotions out. It scared me how you were acting- not just for myself, but for you, too. I know you didn't really want to go through with that.   
  
I'll email you some songs. You like REO Speedwagon? They're a band from America, I think. Either that or Canada. I don't know. How about Led Zeppelin? Pink Floyd? Dire Straits?  
  
Talk to you soon. Remember, you're still my friend, and I'll do what I can to help you. ^______^ Stay cool!]  
  
I wipe a tear away, grateful for Yugi's continued kindness. I begin to type.  
  
[To: Mutou Yugi, darky_rocks_like_Augertet@mailzap.com.  
  
From: Bakura Ryou, ba_hikari_albino@netsender.com.  
  
Subject: Music, my yami, gratitude.  
  
Konnichi-wa, Y-kun! Yep. He figured it out. He didn't hurt me- physically, at least. You're right about how he got back. I don't blame you for being freaked. You're right, I'm scared, too. Yeah, I'm a virgin. I'm sorry. I can't believe that I was going to do that! Ugh, I SO grossed myself out. Thanks for not being too mad. You're my best friend, you know. I don't want that to change, just because I do some khem stuff. I'm glad you're still speaking to me, and thanks for still being my friend. I hope Yugioh doesn't find out, too, so I'm going to keep my trap shut. I don't want to screw up relations between you two.  
  
I don't know where REO Speedwagon is from, either, but they're OK. I don't really know any of their songs. Pink Floyd rules, Led Zeppelin is OK (I can't understand a lot of their stuff), and Dire Straits is cool. Got "Sultans of Swing?" How's about some Beatles or Styx? Journey? Kansas? Queen (Bohemian Rhapsody, esp.)?  
  
Thanks a billion, Y-kun. I don't know what I'd do if I knew I scared you away. You're a great friend. That means so much more to me than anything else. I'm sorry I put other things before that, for a while. Thanks for understanding that I'm confused. Man, my head's been really screwy. Maybe this damn place is getting to me. Or maybe I AM nuts. I don't know. I hope not. I don't want to hurt anyone. Thanks for still caring.]   
  
I press the SEND button, and stash the device under my pillow, for I know that the nurse will come soon to take my lunch tray.  
  
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That was way shorter, I know. And a bit less angsty. But the emails are important. You'll see in the next chapter! Oh, and those email addresses are (duh) bogus. Fake. Made up. Yugi's is basically saying the Dark Magician rocks like Hell (Augertet is a way to say underworld in the language of Kemet). 


	5. Undiscovered Answers

Hello! I'm here again! Just to let you know, we update several chapters at a time. And those of you waiting for Luke to continue "Blackmail," he's been really busy recently. He said he might have me work on it for him, but I'm not really comfortable doing that. Now, on with the fic!  
  
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Chapter Five~ Undiscovered Answers  
  
****  
  
My Soul Room. It's been a while since I've been in here, a fortnight at least. When I enter, it's pretty cold, like when you've been out of a house and turned off the thermostat. I cautiously creep to the couch- my soul room, since I had spent so much time in it before my yami found how to separate from me, was a full house, and then some- and turn on the TV. I turn to the Relationships channel, the one which I've found very useful when trying to remember stuff about friends, like birthdays, pet peeves, etc. It can play back any memories of friends, relatives, crushes, enemies, even teachers. Lots of help remembering lectures, although the Facts and Useless Bullshit channels have also been handy when cramming for tests ^____^;.  
  
Oh, good. Not a rerun. Just the show I needed to watch, the one I've nicknamed BRAIN, Bakura Ryou's Awesome Information Network. News.   
  
[In todays news, Ryou, confused over his need for love, pressed unwanted affections upon best friend Mutou Yugi. Said Ryou; "I can't believe I was going to do that! Ugh, I SO grossed myself out." Yugi's comments were expressed via email; "It scared me how you were acting- not just for myself, but for you, too. I know you really didn't want to go through with that." The opinion of Bakura, the ancient thief who Ryou believes he is in love with, was roughly summed up by; "Well, Ryou, you want love? Tough. There's no such thing!" The long-term consequences of these events are uncertain, but Yugi has assured Ryou of his support and continuing friendship.]  
  
Aw, shimatta. Nothing I don't already know! Grrr. I listen through the other headlines- in an existence like mine, the news is very sparce- and, after a commercial (Why the hell does my Soul Room's TV have commercials?), the detailed news comes on. There are no anchorpeople, obviously. That narration earlier? Supplied by yours truly. I watch intently, studying my actions, thoughts, and words carefully. Crap. Nothing proven. I flip to the Physical World channel, and it's playing the Eye-cam. Wait! That only happens if Bakura-sama's in my body! Crap! He has the pocket-PC, and is reading the emails between Yugi and I! I growl, and holler out, "Hey, that's a private conversation!" He doesn't listen, and I swear. Suddenly, it beeps, and I read it through the eyes my yami is currently using.  
  
[To: Bakura Ryou, ba_hikari_albino@netsender.com.  
  
From: Mutou Yugi, darky_rocks_like_Augertet@mailzap.com.  
  
Subject: Music, insanity (the lunatic is in my head lol ^_^)  
  
I've sent you some stuff. Sorry, no "Sultans of Swing." Sent the Dark Side of the Moon album, Sgt. Pepper's, and LZ's "Stairway to Heaven." Also, there's the lyrics to the songs with them.   
  
Nuts? YOU? WhatEVER gave you THAT idea? (lol) I don't think any of us can be called sane, so you're probably OK. Nothing worse than I've been (don't ask -_-;).  
  
I think Yami suspects something. I really hope not. If so, then either we're in deep shit, or we're in deeper shit. Call back, OK? Or email. Talking might be easier, but Yami might pick up the phone. He doesn't read my emails (as far as I know). Well, bai-bai!]  
  
I hear a chuckling as Bakura closes that email. "So, Pharaoh-no-baka's hikari doesn't want the Pharaoh to learn about Ryou's little 'problem?' This gives me an idea!" I gasp.  
  
"Don't even, Bakura-sama! Do you know how much trouble Yugi-kun might get into?" This time, my yami answers.  
  
"Exactly!" Oh, shit! He clicks through the address book, and autodials Yugi's number.  
  
"Moshi moshi, Kame Game Shop, Mutou Yami desu." Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit!  
  
"Aa-perti Khem, do you know anything about my hikari?"  
  
"Anooooo, what about him?"  
  
"Do you know about any of his recent actions?"  
  
"Is that all you called for? Yes, baka. Yugi was feeling bad about something, so naturally I asked him about it. I am coming over to speak with your hikari as soon as I get these cards sorted like Yugi's grandfather asked. So you'd better be gone before I get there. I plan to be there by three."  
  
"Oh. I... see. Shimatta."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I had hoped to catch you off guard."  
  
"Oh. Too bad. I'm smarter than you think, sehen (thief)."  
  
"Oh, really? You know, I'm not as dumb as you think, either! It's just a matter of time before I get the best of you!"  
  
"We'll see. Tell Ryou I'll be there soon."  
  
"He already knows, dumbass. I can't keep him from knowing what his body's doing."  
  
"Whatever. Sayonara, baka-no-baka!"  
  
"Shove it." Click. "Hikari, the royal pain is going to come over. I'd advise against trying to screw him."  
  
"I don't plan on it! I hadn't meant to go after Yugi!"  
  
"Whatever. Just don't get yourself annihilated." He lies down, and I lose visual as he gets out of my body. I bolt out of my Soul Room and dive out of the Ring. In my own body, I blink and sit up. Bakura-sama is sitting on the edge of the small bed.  
  
"Listen, we need to talk. I don't want you getting into any bloody trouble, with Aa-perti Khem or anyone else. That'll just make it harder for you- and me- to get out of here. Either that, or you'll be wiped out faster than you can blink." He sighs, and I can see a strain around his eyes. "Just- you know, don't mess up. I don't want to lose y- a decent host. You're too valu- useful to me. You're too handy. Where am I gonna get another host that knows the drill? They'd either be too much of a pain in the ass or go all 'yessirjustpleasypleasedon'tkillmeplease!' You at least have SOME backbone, even if it's a limp one." I know there's something he won't say, and it hurts. What is he afraid of telling me? "Hikari, I don't want to have to break in another host. And I don't want to have to get used to another. You're the one that I'm used to, and I don't want to lose that. I'm too comfortable with you to waste time and energy with another."  
  
"I understand, Bakura-sama. I don't know what I'd do without you, either. I've gotten used to dealing with you, and I know my life would be empty if you were suddenly taken from me." I want to lean against him, but instead I curl up on the bed just short of touching him. "Bakura-sama, I wouldn't want to lose you, even if you're only being a parasite. I guess I've grown sort of dependent. I know, that makes me feel sort of guilty, and I know that you probably see me as weak for it. But, well, I know we're closer than you like-"  
  
"Who said I don't like how close we are?"  
  
"I wasn't meaning to-"  
  
"Listen, I don't know why you think I don't want to deal with you. Neteru. Ryou, do you dislike how close we are?" I can't tell him that yes, I don't like it, but because I want to be closer. So I merely shake my head. "Look. Believe it or not, I don't mind you. I don't mind being around you, and I don't dislike you. I hate admitting it, but I think I've sorta grown stuck with you. Don't let that get to your head, though." I nod, and he suddenly grabs my ear. I flinch, but, to my surprise, he starts to scratch. Almost as though I were a kitten, he strokes behind my ear, and I see stars. My lip quivers, and I feel like purring. "You know, I don't hate you. Don't ever think I do. If you ever think that, I think I'm just gonna leave. I don't want you to think I don't like you." My heart pounds, as the impact of his words hits me, and I feel tears forming. I hold back my sobs, but my trembling gets his attention.  
  
"Hikari, I want you to tell me something. Tell me- but only if you mean it- that you really don't mind me around. Tell me that you don't hate me. Tell me that you don't feel like I hate you. Tell me that you don't feel like I want to get rid of you." Honestly, I nod.  
  
"Bakura-sama, I don't want you to leave me! I need you! I know I've said that before, but it's true!" I hold his hand to my cheek, but he shakes and squirms it out of my grasp.  
  
"I don't think you know what you mean by that, but if you think you know, then I'll let you say it. If you mean it, then thanks. Hell, I don't want to leave. Just- Hikari, don't grab my hand like that. I don't like having it stuck."  
  
"Gomen nasai, Bakura-sama." I avert my gaze, but he grabs my chin- roughly, but not violently.  
  
"Ryou, don't worry. It's okay." Is he actually saying that it's not a problem? "Just don't. If I'm doing something, don't get in my way."  
  
"I won't, Bakura-sama."  
  
"Why the hell do you still call me that? I haven't given you a command in months!"  
  
"Aren't you still my master?" He stiffens, and turns away.  
  
"So. Is that how you see me? As nothing but your master?" His voice sounds pained, and each word stabs me.  
  
"No! Bakura-sama, I see you as- I- I hope a friend, at least!"  
  
"Tell me. Do you fear me?"  
  
"No! I- I don't- I'm not scared of you! I just- I- I'm afraid of losing you!"  
  
He glances at me, and his eyes soften- I think. "You really don't want me to leave, do you? Well, don't worry. I don't want to leave." His voice is low, and I could swear it quavers. "I think we need some time- you know, just some time apart, when we can think more clearly- to figure out what the hell's going on." Gods! Is he saying that he's confused, too? "Ryou, I don't want you to think I'm trying to ditch you, but I think we're not ready for- for anything new." I try to hold back my tears, but fail horribly. What is he saying? "I hate this! Not you, but just- aaahh. Shimatta. I- I think I should go." He stands, and I sit up. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I try to get him to face me.  
  
"Bakura-sama, please, don't!"  
  
"Ryou, I'm not gonna be gone. But the royal baka's going to be here soon, and I don't want to deal with him. I'll come back when you call me, after he leaves." I swallow.  
  
"Promise, Bakura-sama?" He exhales deeply, and nods.  
  
"I will. Be careful around Pharaoh-no-baka." He reaches for my hand, and squeezes it lightly. "I'll be back." And he fades.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
AAAAWWWW!!!! Does this sound good? Or is it too fast? 


	6. Unraveled Emotions

I'm back! Did you read "Let's Have a Gay Time!"? It's got a lemon in it, Y/YY.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter Six~ Unraveled Emotions  
  
****  
  
"May I come in?" Yugioh asks politely, and I nod. He enters, and I fidget nervously. The door shuts, and he touches my shoulder. "I don't want you to think I'm mad. Let's talk, okay?"  
  
I nod. "Yeah. Thanks for not blasting me, Yugioh-san."  
  
"I only blast dangerous people."  
  
"Danger means different things to different people." He shrugs, and sits on the floor.  
  
"You've been crying." It isn't a question. Reluctantly, I nod. "Has he hurt you?"  
  
"No. I'm just a bit bummed. But I think I'm getting better."  
  
"Good. So, does he know you love him?"  
  
"He knows I care. He knows I need him. I don't know if he knows my love; I'm not really sure what's going on with me."  
  
"Ryou-kun, if you're anything like Yugi and I, you're probably both hurting over this. Has he expressed any feelings for you?" I sigh.  
  
"He's said he's gotten used to me, and that he doesn't want to leave. He said he doesn't want me to be scared of him."  
  
"Are you?"  
  
"No. I used to be, but I know that any fear has been buried or destroyed by the fact that I care. I know he's not as mean as he might like some to think, but he's really showed me kindness, especially today. He sounded really hurt when he was talking about me being afraid of him. I hope that means what I want it to mean."  
  
"Ryou-kun, I think it probably does. He's probably just as confused as you. Maybe more, because of his pride."  
  
"Yeah. I just wish he would talk to me."  
  
"Does he talk to you? It sounds as though he did."  
  
"He does, but it makes me feel like he's hiding something. How he really feels. I wish he'd open up."  
  
"These things take time. He's a proud pain in the ass. He's probably more afraid of you than you of him." I hang my head, and wipe away a tear.  
  
"That's the last thing I want."  
  
"Well, the only thing I can really advise you on is to give him time. He needs someone to let him get used to the idea of being in love. He's not the easiest person to get a point across to. He'll need you to be patient." I nod.  
  
"Yeah. It's just so- so hard."  
  
"Love can often be. You wouldn't expect it, but Yugi and I haven't always been the perfect couple, either. Love can be hard, but it's harder to repress it."  
  
I smile, a little bitterly, and gaze wistfully out the window. "Neteru, oh, how well I know that!"  
  
"Yes, you probably do. Is there anything else I can help with?"  
  
"I can't think of anything, Yugioh-san. Thanks so much for being here."  
  
"Hey, if you ever need to talk, just call. And, if you leave an email at Yugi's address and put For Yami- or Yugioh, as you prefer to call me, he'll tell me and I'll read it and send back." He rises, and pulls me into a friendly hug. "It's never a problem to talk to you. I hope you straighten things out."  
  
"Thank you. I feel much better, now."  
  
"Good. I'm glad I could help a friend." He gives me a grin, and I return it as he walks out the door.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
More fluff next chapter! I do hope you enjoy this, but if you do not (for any reason other than just disliking yaoi), please tell me in your review. 


	7. Unintentional Heartbreak

Hello! And now for another heartwarming chapter!  
  
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Chapter Seven~ Unintentional Heartbreak  
  
****  
  
Supper. Whee-hurrah-yip-dee-doo. Oh, _yum._ Insert sweatbead here. Well, at least it's something new. Whee-yum-yum. Did they buy out some American chicken farm? A chicken pot pie. Not bad, really, but I think I'm going to go anti-poultry when I get out. Buc-buc-buckaw. No, scratch that. Bak-bak-baka!  
  
I finish it, and ask the nuisance- anoo, I mean nurse- the time. Seven forty. Well, no more friends over, but I always have my PC! ^_________________^ I flick it on, and wonder who to call. Yugi? Hm, he eats late. Don't want to bug him. Honda? BLOODY HELL NO! Frankly, he gets on my nerves. Jonouchi? Maybe, but I'd hate to get him in trouble with his father. I went over there once, and let's just say, my yami would be more orderly, more sensible, and more sane. Ugh. Shudder! Anzu? Naah, I'm not in the mood to deal with a female. Kaiba? Hmmm, maybe. But does he eat late? I think he would, because of KaibaCorp. Yugi eats late for the same reason, his grandfather's business. Mokuba? No, I really want to deal with a peer.  
  
"Well, how long has the royal prat been gone?" I gasp, and look up.  
  
"Bakura-sama! Oh, gomen nasai! I-"  
  
"-Totally forgot about me. I know. Am I surprised?" What can I say?  
  
"Anoooooo, I guess not." He rolls his eyes.  
  
"I told you to call me after Yugioh leaves! What, do you lack short-term memory? Or were you just ignoring me?" I flinch, and hang my head.  
  
"I guess I lack memory! Gomen nasai!" I hide my face in my hands, ashamed. He is silent for a moment.  
  
"Hm. You have expressed interest in learning ra em Kemet?" I nod. "Well, I've gotten a little sick of hearing 'gomen nasai' all the time. I think it's time for you to learn how to say it in another language. It's simple: Tcharu."  
  
"Tcharu!" I enthusiastically blurt it out, and he chuckles.  
  
"You're pretty amusing the first time you use a new word. You catch on quick, though. Just don't use it too much, or you'll wear it out." I nod, still embarrassed that I had forgotten Bakura-sama. He sits beside me.  
  
"So, have an interesting time with Aa-perti sef-t (annoyance)?" I blush, knowing full well what he implies.  
  
"We spoke, Bakura-sama. He gave me some advice, and didn't obliterate me. That's just about it." My other rolls his eyes again. I hate it when he does that, but I'm guilty of it, too.  
  
"And just _what_ advice did he give, oh Hikari of mine?"  
  
"Some advice about people." Yeah, right. Like I'm going to tell him it's advice about him? He looks down his nose at me, and I swallow.  
  
"People." I nod, and he raises an eyebrow. "People. Is it 'people' or 'person?'"  
  
"Person, Bakura-sama." I can't lie to him! Just who do you people think I am?  
  
"Ah. I... see. And just who is this... person?" Oh, great. I JUST SAID I CAN'T LIE TO HIM! And now he expects me to tell him?  
  
"Someone I can't talk to very easily." Well, that's true enough. "It's not the most gentle person in Taiu (the world)."  
  
He rolls his eyes AGAIN, damnit, and scoffs. "Like that gives me any indication. All that does it tell me it's not you. Good thing, too, 'cause if you need advice in how to talk to yourself, you're in trouble!" My face reddens, and I turn away. Did he just call me the most gentle person? He gives a light chuckle, but unlike many he's given me, it's devoid of sarcasm or malice.  
  
"What, IS it you?" I shake my head, and suddenly his hand races towards me y face. I wince, but it's not a blow he gives. Instead it's a quick bat at my hair. I squeak, and he drops his hand.  
  
"Tcharu." Wait. Did he just apologize?  
  
"For what, Bakura-sama?" My low voice quavers, and he gives a wan smile.  
  
"Didn't mean to scare you." His eyes are hard, but it seems to be a strain to maintain that. What's going on?  
  
"Sca- scare? You didn't! I just- I didn't expect it. I was expecting you to slap me." Is it just me, or did he shrink back when I said that? Wow. Is he uneasy?  
  
"Slap you. Tcharu. I didn't think you'd expect that. But tell me. Why would I slap you, right now, if I were going to?" His eyes travel to the mirror and the setting sun, and he looks so wistful, like a trapped tiger. I bite my lip, and carefully construct my answer.  
  
"I don't really know. I mean, you've hit me before for no apparant reason, but recently you've just been so- so merciful, if not nice. Maybe it's just an instinctive- you know, pre-programmed response. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm naturally an edgy person." I repress a tear, one which forms without warning.  
  
"Merciful." He muses over the word, as though it is totally foreign to him. "Do you find the mercy helpful?"  
  
Confused, I meet his gaze. "What do you mean, Bakura-sama? Helpful how?"  
  
"Does it make you feel less frightened?" His face tells me nothing, but he seems to tremble ever so slightly. I swallow, and consider my feelings. Finally, I decide he must know the truth.  
  
"Honestly, Bakura-sama, I don't know. Something within me is grateful, and hopes that it continues. But another part of me is more scared than ever, the pessimistic, suspicious part. It tells me that it's only an act, a temporary thing, and I shouldn't get used to it. That I shouldn't even like it, because it's false. It yells at me, says I shouldn't get my hopes up, for you're just going to destroy them like you have every other hope, every other dream." My voice raises in volume. "Bakura-sama, I'm afraid of you when I'm not sure what you're doing, or what you're going to do. It makes me so nervous when I'm not given a reason to fear you, and it hurts when I'm feeling so mistrusting. I don't know half the time what I feel, and none of the time what you feel! You've lied and cheated, manipulated me, told me to fear you and to obey you. You've called me weak, and pathetic, and stupid, when I'm being honest about my feelings with you. So how am I to know if you're being honest with me? You're a hypocrite, you know, unless you are lying. You say it's weak to show emotion, and yet you're being 'kind' to me. If that's not hypocricy, then it's dishonesty!" I show him my back, and await his response, forcing my tears back. For a long while, he doesn't speak. When he does, his tone is rough, dark.  
  
"You think I'm going to use how you feel to control you, to hurt you. Is that it? Do you think it's easy to open up as much as I have? For Ra's sake! I'm a thief, not a heart-player! Ugh! You think I'm just screwing with your head? That's more sick than I'll ever do!" He gets up, and walks in front of me. Towering over me, he snarls. "I can't believe you. I try to help you, I try to show you how I feel, and you come out and say it might as well mean nothing good to you! You come out and say I might as well be some two-bit slut trying only to get in your pants, while I'm doing everything I can to make you feel like I care! Do you think it's easy for me to say some of the things I've told you in the last day? Do you have any idea of the pain I've gone through to admit to myself that I don't mind you? Do you even CARE that I'm standing here, basically GIVING you my deepest confessions, and feeling my entire existence shatter? Ever since I can remember, I've shoved people away. I've hidden how I feel, and avoided feeling anything! And now, you come along, and practically throw yourself at me, with thoughts of loving me. Do you know- do you even care- that I'm just as scared of my feelings as you are of yours? I thought I was perfectly adjusted, burying my emotions, and then you force me to feel them again! Listen, I hid my feelings just in case something like this happened. I didn't want to be rejected. And here you are, saying I'm just using you? Hear me well, Hikari. I don't think I'm the one using you, right now. I feel used. I think I am completely justified in saying there's a possibility of you using me, just for company. I heard you say you loved me, that you needed me. Well, too bad! I think I take back what I said, about not minding you. I mind! I mind getting my hopes up, thinking you care, and then realizing you're just a lonely little brat who'll take a companion from any source. When I began to open up, I wanted someone who'd listen, who'd be able to relate my feelings to theirs. Ryou, I tried to show you care, but you just flinch and say I'm lying. You know, that hurts. That hurts like hell. And I don't like being hurt!"   
  
I stand, and am immediately shoved back down. "Ryou, I hate being hurt. I hate it as much as anyone can. And then you come and say you care, and I think maybe I can have a Ra-damned friend, maybe someone'll actually listen to me. But you look away, you hide. You run from me. How the hell can I confide in someone who's afraid of me? I didn't want to open up to someone who'd be selfish, and that's why I tested you. I needed to be sure you cared. Maybe you do, Ryou, but I think you need to look inside yourself, and find just what that means to you."   
  
I open my mouth in protest, but he slaps me. "Ryou, if you care, then look me in the eye and say it. Look me in the eye, and tell me that you'll still care even if you're scared. That you don't care if I'm mad. That your feelings aren't limited to when I'm being 'nice.'" His palm once again strikes my cheek, and I scream. He grabs me by the collar of the pajamas, and shakes me. "Tell me you'd care even if I were to reject you, if I hated you, if I made you crawl through a pit of scorpions for your food. If I were to say I wanted you dead. Look me in the eye and say it, Ryou! If you love me, tell me!"  
  
Tears stream down my cheeks, and I close my eyes. I grit my teeth, feeling my heart try to hold itself together. "Say it, Ryou!"  
  
"I hate you." No! That's not what I wanted to say!  
  
He drops me, and I fall to my knees, weeping hysterically. "You hate me. Well, now we know where we stand." And I don't even know when he knocks me out.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*sighs.* Wow. How am I going to get them out of this? 


	8. Impassioned Mistakes

Well, here I go trying to get this fic more completed!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter Eight~ Impassioned Mistakes  
  
****  
  
Warmth. And pain. Then a soft beeping. The metallic taste of blood. Finally, bright, white blankness as I slowly come to.  
  
"Ugh. Itai." My neck. It feels like I've been roughly pressure-pointed, and I probably was. I lick around my mouth, searching for the origin of the blood taste, but find nothing. Groggily, I sit up, and find the pocket-PC on the bedside table. Ooh, not good. If a nurse saw it...  
  
Picking it up, I see I have an email. Or, more accurately, Bakura-sama has an email. From Yugioh-san. I sigh, wishing that it's for me. How badly I need to talk. I exit from the phone/email menu, and see the time. Only nine-thirty. I prepare to shut down the machine, but am stopped when I see a program, minimized. Curious, I click it open, and immediately wish I hadn't. But I cannot restrain myself from reading it.  
  
A poem.  
  
Scry  
  
My past, a mirror  
  
Scratched and cracked  
  
Pitted and scarred  
  
Murky and chipped  
  
Sharp, and painful to hold  
  
Shards pierce my mind  
  
My heart  
  
My soul  
  
Yet still, I see  
  
Beyond the broken pieces  
  
My past  
  
Reflected to me  
  
Bright, dazzling light  
  
Shattered into a thousand suns  
  
Burning my eyes  
  
Searing my spirit  
  
I shy away  
  
Hide from the light  
  
It shows your greatest flaw  
  
It revealed my weakness  
  
My inner psyche  
  
You seek the shadow  
  
Your mirror will illume you  
  
Blow your cover  
  
Seek you  
  
Expose you  
  
Your vulnerability  
  
Your pain  
  
Your past  
  
My past  
  
Our past, mirrors  
  
Fractured, and the shards mingle  
  
Reflecting our pasts  
  
Our weaker selves  
  
Blinding us  
  
The desert sun  
  
A thousand upon a thousand times  
  
All we see  
  
I, my malice  
  
You, your mercy  
  
Taken as shards of mirrors  
  
I, too proud  
  
You, too fearful  
  
To admit  
  
Perhaps  
  
The mirrors are not as broken  
  
As we'd hoped  
  
As we'd meant  
  
We descry our past  
  
More clearly  
  
And we are unmasked  
  
My arrogance  
  
Your timid self  
  
The mirrors, perhaps  
  
Had been fragmented  
  
But the past cannot  
  
Eternally be shattered  
  
Mingling memories  
  
Merge  
  
Mangled essences  
  
Untangle  
  
And more clearly  
  
I see  
  
You are my mirror  
  
You are my past  
  
You are  
  
Me  
  
My eyes are filled with tears as again and again I soak in the words. This, written by Bakura-sama? For- for me? But why?  
  
"I'll take that!" I startle as my yami grabs the PC from my hands. "Don't you know you should respect others' privacy?" His voice is harsh, rude.  
  
"Tcharu, Bakura-sama!"  
  
"You'd better be, slave! You'd better not have freaking screwed with it, or I'll use your hide as a drumskin!" Slave? I curl into a fetal position as these threatening words sink in. "Listen, I don't want you to call your friends anymore. Don't email them, don't call them, don't answer the phone or read emails. If they come, send them away." I pale.  
  
"What? Why?" He growls, and grabs me by the ear. Hauling me to my feet, he stares me straight in the eye.  
  
"It's apparant you don't want my company. If you're not going to take advantage of that which I offer, you may not have the privilege of having friends!" I grow ill, as I come to realize that he's taking his anger of my rejection out on me. But who else should he vent on?  
  
"Bakura-sama, I- I'm so sorry! I- I don't know what came over me!"  
  
"SILENCE! I don't want to hear any of your bullshit lies! I'm not going to make the same damn mistake twice!" He throws me onto the bed, and I lay there, not even bothering to hide.   
  
'What have I done?' Uncontrollable sobs tear through my body, and I clutch at the blanket, as though I would a lifeline. Softly, I whisper, "I'm sorry, Bakura-sama. I guess all I am is a dependent, helpless brat. I can't do anything right, and I'm weak. I hurt you, like the little snot I am, and I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, but I did. Please, just kill me and be done with it."  
  
"What the hell was that? You expect me to just let you die? No, slave, no matter how 'hurt' I am, I still need you, to keep the Millennium Ring. I hate how freaking necessary you are, but I can't let you die. I _tried_ to get a new host, but I couldn't get the Ring away from you. That damn shithead Ra decided to stick me with you, so I can't kill you."  
  
"What is my life worth, if all I am is a lousy slave? I don't care. I've lost everything."  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I LOST? Do you even GIVE a SHIT that you DESTROYED my only hope of finding someone who cared? Neteru! I thought you were more sensitive than that! You little FOOL!" I whimper as he pours out his emotions, tearing out my heart. Weakly, I raise my hand, looking at the unscarred flesh. I hurt Bakura-sama, and ruined my life in the process. My thoughts a-whirl, adrift, I look at my fingernails. Not very sharp, but they would have to do.  
  
'Gomen nasai, my yami,' I think as I abruptly dig my nails, claw-like, into my opposite wrist. The pain is sharp, but surprisingly welcomed. I rake them down my arm, and the warm blood- a beautiful color, I notice- pours over my pale skin. I smile as I split a vein, and anticipate my release.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bakura-sama demands, and, deliriously, I reply.  
  
"Making your existence easier, Bakura-sama. You'll be free of me, soon. The Ring will find a new person for you." My heart hurts, but it's only from the physical stress upon it. It's not from heartbreak. It's not.  
  
And then, I feel something soft press to my wounds. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. A gentle touch of silken skin, caressing it, petting the bleeding injuries. Yes, Bakura-sama. Are you happy to be free? I only want you to be happy.  
  
"Ryou, you fool. Why do you want to do this?" Is it my bloodloss hallucinations, or is his voice tender?  
  
"Because I want to make you happy. I hurt you, Bakura-sama, and I never wanted that. You hate me, now, and I just want to be out of your way, so you can live in peace." I smile, my vision going blurred.  
  
"You think I hate you?"  
  
"Why not? I made you think I hate you. I hurt you, and stripped you of your pride. I said I hate you, and that's the lie. That's my mistake. I hope that this makes up for it." He grips my hand, and I feel something- cool, and fresh- drip on my arm.  
  
"I- I can't believe this. Ryou, will you make sense, for once? I- I can't take this! How can you even think that killing yourself could make up for it?" I smile weakly, wanly.  
  
"You're right, Bakura-sama. I shouldn't have assumed that it would be enough."  
  
"What? Oh, Ra! Ryou, you little baka, how dare you even think that of yourself? Listen, you need help. I'll call someone-"  
  
"No." My voice, previously quiet, now holds a great firmness.  
  
"What?" His is incredulous.  
  
"Don't call anyone. If the nurses-"  
  
"I'm definitely not going to call them! I plan on calling someone who might have an idea!" I smirk.  
  
"Nima? (Who?)" He sighs, and growls indignantly.  
  
"Yugioh. He might have a way for me to save you."  
  
"Save me? From what?" He bolts up, and begins to pace.  
  
"Death! Don't you get it, Ryou? You're dying!"  
  
"Of course I get it, Bakura-sama. I'm glad of it." He gasps, and kneels by the bed.  
  
"You did not just say that. You are going to live. You are going to be fine. I'll see to that if it means I have to kill Anpu (Anubis) Himself!"  
  
"Why?" He is silent for a span, and I patiently wait.  
  
"Because I need you. For more than a host body. I- I don't know what I'd do without you. I doubted you, at first, but then, I got more comfortable. But then, we just went ballistic on each other, and that- that really hurt. I was scared, Ryou, but I have to admit something, harder than anything else I've ever done. Ryou, do you want to hear it?" I hold my breath, and search my soul. Through the pain, the heartbreak, and the delirium, I find my answer.  
  
"Please, Bakura-sama."  
  
"Ryou, I'm scared. I hate admitting fear, but I'm more scared than I've ever been. Ryou, I don't totally understand it, but I need you. Not just your body, as a host, but you. Bakura Ryou. I need to be with you. I- I- I don't know how to say this, but, I- I love you. And if I lost you, I'd die. Completely. My soul would be lost, shredded. So don't die! If you dare die, then I- I- I don't know! Ugh, Ryou, please! Can you hear me?"  
  
I open my eyes, and lay a pained gaze upon him. "I hear you, Bakura-sama."  
  
"Ryou, please. Do you understand how I feel? I hate this! I can't handle this! Ryou, I need to know you understand me. I don't want to lose you. I can't!" He grabs my wounded arm, and begins to squeeze. Pulling it to him, he plants a kiss on my knuckles. "Ryou, I'm sorry I went back to treating you like a slave. But I have one last command for you. Ryou, if you love me, please! Don't leave me alone! That, I command!" These words, desperate and profound, cut into me deeper than my nails ever could, and I feel the true passion within them. A wave of peace sweeps over me, and I smile as I black out.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
No, this is not the end! One more to go! 


	9. Welcomed Freedom

Last one! YAAAY! My first completed serious fic!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter Nine~  
  
****  
  
My hair is wet. No, correction. Drenched. Cool liquid trickling through it. But that isn't what wakes me. It is the sound of a heartbeat, steady and deep. I moan, and shift position. Where am I?  
  
"Hikari," a soft voice murmurs. "Ryou-chan, wake up." My lip quivers at the tingling sensation in my ear, and I let a sigh escape my lips.  
  
"Is he going to be okay?" Is that Yugi? What? I force my eyes open, and see that it is indeed my friend. Slowly, I let my gaze travel around the room. Everyone is there. And more than everyone.  
  
"Son, are you all right?"  
  
"Father?" I mumble, trying to sort my mind. "Wha- what are you doing here?" He frowns.  
  
"Ryou, son, I think I owe you an apology." What?!? "I've learned some things that really opened my mind."  
  
Bakura-sama pulls me more into a sitting posture, and I shake my head to clear it of the still invading fuzz. "Like what?"  
  
"Well, I've been assured that you're not a member of a cult, as I had assumed. They told me that the closest thing to a cult you're in is the Yugi-tachi group. And that's something that I'm actually glad you're part of.  
  
"Also, I've been notified that this is your first suicide attempt, and your first experience with harming yourself, period. That was a relief, for I had thought that the cult you were in was encouraging self-mutilation. This... being-"  
  
"Khuti (spirit, demon)," Bakura-sama supplies.  
  
"Very well, khuti, has admitted to being the cause of your injuries, and I do believe that he can be trusted. How about you?"  
  
I sigh, and turn to face Bakura-sama. His deep, crimson-brown eyes are distant, and filled with unease and sorrow. I cautiously reach for his cheek, and his eyes snap, startled, to meet mine. A sharp fear is hidden within them, and I begin to weep. He grimaces, and buries his face in my hair. "Tcharu, tai-a Ryou. (Sorry, my Ryou)" In a sudden wave of sympathy, I wrap my arms around him and press my face to his chest.  
  
"Oh, Bakura-sama!" I wail, and sob uncontrollably for quite a while. "I- I'm so sorry! I didn't-"  
  
"It's all right, my Ryou-chan. Just- please, don't scare me like that again! I hate being scared!" He places his strong hands on my shoulders, and gently pushes me just far enough to where we can look one another in the eye. I see an incredible warmth, and a nervous, inexperienced tremble. Shakily, I smile at him, before turning back to my father.  
  
"If I can't trust him, who can I trust? He's my soulmate." My father nods understandingly, and clears his throat.  
  
"Well, I say welcome to the family... anoo, what do we call him?"  
  
"I call him Bakura-sama, everyone else calls him something or another." My yami pokes me in the ribs.  
  
"Quiet, hikari. I think that you (meaning my father) might want to call me Bak-Khu-Ra, my original name, back in Kemet."  
  
"Bak-Khu-Ra. Hm. Write it." He shoves a pen and paper at Bakura-sama, and he begins to write. A flame, hawk, crown, flail under the [kh] glyph, hawk under [u] glyph, big flame, sun. He hands it to my father, who then reads it. "Flame, hawk, sun. The Sun's Flame Hawk. How's 'bout I call you Hawk?"  
  
"Whatever. As long as you don't call me Baka!" We all burst into a bout of giggling, and I wipe away another tear- but this time, it's from joy.  
  
"Son, I'm sorry that I misunderstood so bad."  
  
"Father, we've all had misunderstandings recently. Please, thank you for finally understanding."  
  
"Well, how about we go home? If you're up for it, we could have a party!"  
  
I rest my head on Bakura-sama's shoulder, and smile. "As long as 1) there's no poultry and 2) I get to stay in Bakura-sama's arms the whole time."  
  
"Well, I think that can be arranged. He DID save your life, after all."  
  
"No, I didn't." My yami's interruption startles us all. "I just gave him a reason to keep living."  
  
"Whatever!" I giggle, and kiss him on the neck. He squeaks- cutely, I might add- and I see him blush.  
  
"You little maniac."  
  
"Well, what do you expect? With a soulmate like you, I'm bound to be insane!"  
  
He nuzzles my hair, and I grow very red-faced and comfortable. "No, hikari-chan. Just a little on the neurotic side."  
  
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Did I end this well? I think it's kawaii! Do you? FEEDBACK, PEOPLE! Onegai? And thanks! 


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